I was not born like this, NO. I was born with confidence, I was the most confident young girl I have ever known or seen. I would sing in church every day, I always had a presentation, and I would march to the altar confidently and sing a song. Do you want to know how confident I was? I would present the same song every Sunday and the congregation listened to me every time, bless their souls! And whenever there was a fundraiser in the church I would request to present, and guess what? I always sang the same song in all fundraising events.
I had the guts to do some crazy things, I was playful I was very vocal…. I mean whenever I think about that young girl I just smile, she fascinates me. No one stood up for students in high school as I did, I would ask questions when everyone else was afraid of asking, I was not scared at all. I was always chosen to prank the teachers during April fools and I always did it with so much joy. One of the things that I still can’t believe I did when in high school is modeling! I took part in a modeling competition …….. the way I was strutting down the catwalk smiling and waving at the crowd…. my oh my, I was amazing. And I won I was the first runner’s up, I was so proud of myself.
Most of us were born this way: confident, ambitious, courageous, playful and we believed in ourselves.
So what happened to me? I started listening to people and everything they said about me. There are people who would say and still say very positive things about me and there are those who would say and still say very negative things about me, but like any other human being, I always picked the negative things that people would say about me. I believed those who said I would never amount to something in life or I was not good in something, and oh I believed them and I started to live as per what they had said. I also listened to the voice in my head that told me I was a failure and I believed that voice …. and I’m sure most of us have done the same, living according to what people say we are and listening to that small voice in our head, and we stopped believing in ourselves,
The saddest thing is I made these words my story, they became part of my beliefs. I lived them, I owned them and I became them. I remember this amazing friend that I had in 2011 she was so amazing and so smart I admired her, and one day she told me that I would have been a smart person if I had met her earlier in life. Guess what? I believed her…….oh I knew I was not smart, she made me believe I wasn’t. That STUCK with me. Whenever a lecturer asked a question in class I never raised my hand even when the answer in my mind was correct, I knew I was wrong even before answering the question, after all, I wasn’t smart (hmm, the lies we tell ourselves). Whenever I saw an opportunity and I wanted to try it out, I kept telling myself that I would fail or I wouldn’t be picked and ended up not trying it out.
I was not and I am not a failure but what people say and the voice in my head made me believe I was.
I wanted to change that I wanted to take my power back. I wanted that little girl again, the one who would do what she wanted, try out new things, present the same song a whole year without caring what anyone else would say or think. I wanted to be that girl who wanted to be a model even though she was short. I wanted to be the girl who would be confident enough to stand for myself and stand for others, the girl who would give her opinion on issues. And I started that journey and I’m still on that journey and it has not been easy but it has been very interesting.
The amazing me becomes better and better every single day. I choose to focus on the positive things that people say about me. I choose to believe in myself and when I cannot or I’m in doubt I choose to believe those who believe in me. I do not give space to the voice that tells me I will fail, or I am not the best. I listen to the voice that says you can do this, give it a try, you are smart. I choose to have a positive mindset about myself. I choose to surround myself with people that lift me up and encourage me. I will make the young me proud again, I will help her accomplish all she wanted to accomplish.